Hi lovelies, where to start? You may have noticed I've had a slight blog overhaul; I've been deliberating over changing the name or just abandoning it all together but it looks like for now, I'm here to stay.
I'm not sure what to write exactly, more followers seems to equal more pressure & the fact I know that there are people reading this who 'know' me, or at least think that they do, doesn't help. I'm not sure when blogging stopped being fun for me but right now it reminds me too much of Facebook, and I hate Facebook. As the popularity of blogging has increased so has the desperation for followers and ~internet fame, I can't go online or read a magazine without seeing the mention of a blogger and their all important opinion. Now don't get me wrong, I love blogging and bloggers and I think the chance to showcase yourself online in order to socialise, network or boost your career is amazing; the opportunities are endless and bloggers are finally being recognised as a serious commodity, whether it be for marketing or journalism or whatever else.
But moving on, I know that this problem lies with me; I have an insecurity streak a mile long and the abundance of amazing blogs makes me question why anyone would want to read my disjointed rambles. I find myself constantly dismissing post ideas on the basis that they've been done better and bigger or that they're ridiculous or irrelevant or quite simply, why would anyone care? This has never seriously bothered me before, I've never had the best or the biggest blog and quite frankly my style is questionable at best. It appears my tendency to over analyse has creeped in and taken over, apparently paranoia is a tough one to shake.
Ever since I found livejournal at the age of 13, the internet has been a refuge of sorts, a place to escape and to truly be yourself without any repercussions, where the security of anonymity gives you the freedom to just let go of all the bullshit, to be whoever you want to be, to find people who share your ambitions, encourage your dreams, understand your fears, have experienced your hurt. Now I realise it's getting a bit cringey-young-adult-novel up in here but bare with me, due to the expansion of social media, the lines between internet and reality have blurred, people who once would have squinted at any mention of a meme are now asking me to follow them on Tumblr. Forgive me if I'm giving the impression of being one of those internet snobs who deems people unworthy of an internet connection if they can't correctly identify and name at least 10 fandoms, that's certainly not the case, I just find the shift in perspective odd.
If unlike me you're a sane individual, you probably welcome your friends and family to follow, add or reblog you, I on the other hand, find trying to avoid colleagues, old friends, those I used to live with, those I do live with, that one guy and those girls tiresome at best. I realise I shouldn't care and for the most part I don't but being judged is never fun and what's worse than being judged for being yourself?
Christ what a ramble, who knows where I was going with this? I sure don't. Long story short, it's time to stop worrying about what other people think or comparing myself to everyone else, it's my blog so I guess you're stuck with me.
❝THERE COMES A POINT WHEN YOU EITHER EMBRACE WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE, OR CONDEMN YOURSELF TO BE MISERABLE ALL YOUR DAYS. OTHER PEOPLE WILL TRY TO MAKE YOU MISERABLE; DON’T HELP THEM BY DOING THE JOB YOURSELF.❞ -Laurell K. Hamilton